I cannot sleep. I try but my Love breathes so loud my brain pops awake. I hear him and like counting sheep, each breath, snort, snore I am more awake than before. I try. I do try to ignore and drift back to where I was in that blissful state of rest. Then a loud snort pierces my relaxation and I am a bit ticked off.
I bump him. I roll him. I wake him with, "Your snoring" of which he says "I am?". Yes..........
What to do? How is it that some nights peace and calm prevail? Never a snort or snore to be heard. Dreams of my own to be in. Oh I would lie if I wasn't to say that I haven't heard myself make some odd noise of snorting or breathing oddly. Yes, he has bumped me too. I teasingly tell him in the morning he heard it wrong as I don't snore. We laugh or joke of that.
Am I sleeping lighter? Am I already in a state of wakefulness? How is it that when we were first sleeping together all those years ago that this night oddity did not happen? The only thing that woke us then was the sensual dream that one would have and wake the other to complete!
I haven't decided this state of life at 50 and of sleep. I no longer have the insomnia of my 40's. I barely have a night sweat anymore. Now I lay next to a man who sleeps oddly...to me. He seems warmer and it is harder to spoon. His hip bothers him and he sleeps sometimes half back and half side, thus the snoring position is achieved. His pillow provides the support to keep him in this position and I have tried to yank his pillow so his head rolls fully sideways rather than tilted.
Is this why some couples sleep in different rooms? The need for sleep becomes greater than the need for a warm partner to lie with? Truly I need my sleep. I want to lay with my down pillow below my head, cradling the brain that wants to fly into dreamland. I want to pull my sheet up under my chin, over my shoulder, my toes feeling the softness beneath. Sinking in....rest.
I will go back. I cannot stay awake. I ate a bowl of cereal as once up my tummy begins to awaken too. A growl of discontent. I will go back and bump him if he continues his unusual serenade. My eyes long to close.....