Reflection

Reflection

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A slump by any other name


Sisotowbell* Lane
Noah is fixing the pump in the rain
He brings us no shame
We always knew that he always knew
Up over the hill
Jovial neighbors come down when they will
With stories to tell
Sometimes they do
Yes sometimes we do
We have a rocking chair
Each of us rocks his share
Eating muffin buns and berries
By the steamy kitchen window
Sometimes we do
Our tongues turn blue

Sisotowbell Lane
Anywhere else now would seem very strange
The seasons are changing
Everyday in everyway
Sometimes it is spring
Sometimes it is not anything
A poet can sing
Sometimes we try
Yes we always try
We have a rocking chair
Somedays we rock and stare
At the woodlands and the grasslands
and the badlands 'cross the river
Sometimes we do
We like the view

Sisotowbell Lane
Go to the city you'll come back again
To wade thru the grain
You always do
Yes we always do
Come back to the stars
Sweet well water and pickling jars
We'll lend you the car
We always do
Yes sometimes we do
We have a rocking chair
Someone is always there
Rocking rhythms while they're waiting
with the candle in the window
Sometimes we do
We wait for you

Joni is calling me once again.  I hear her songs from old albums that still trigger an emotional response in me.

I'm in one of those slumps that seem to come and go, but while within my moodiness of the slump I need to remind myself that it will pass.

I missed my children this Easter.  While I had my son I missed those daughters of mine.  Memories are a blessing and a curse, are they not?  I guess I never realized that at some point the chicks (children) would fly the nest and not be with us as before.  The girls all in their 20's and early 30's have their own desires and interests.  For now a tradition of gathering for holidays is not that important or necessary.  Or is it just me that holds on to whatever could bring us all together just as my mom did.  I have to hand it to her that she gave plenty of parties, BBQ's, and vacation times to keep the family together.

I sat at my sister by marriage's table for Easter Brunch with "the old" people as her mother by marriage said to me.  She asked why I was sitting with them and not the "young people".  I wanted to have us all together in my heart...young, old and all in between.  I remarked back to her "I am almost where you are and less toward them".   I said this more for politeness and yet I did mean it.  Am I not in years less near the young and closer to the elder? 

The slump mood mixes me up as to what makes me happy these days.  I want to be happy and surely I have the ability to allow the sad events wash off my back like duck feathers with water?  If I think happy will I convince my heart and head that I am?  Is obtaining happiness that easy?

Since I had children in my 20's my Love and I didn't fly to far from our old nest of our parents.  We accepted the Sunday night dinner or the dinner out to eat.  I was happy to not have to cook.  We were available to be with the extended family for any excuse.  None of us left the area.  Even now my husband's family all live in the Bay Area.  True that side of the family has grown by leaps and bounds and getting us all in one house is getting tight and harder to do but we try to gather together, if not with everyone then with who we can.

This year feels just that much more bitter with my Love's parents not doing well.  There age is showing and slowing every day that passes.  It's bad enough to have my mom but not have my mom with her mind the way it is.  The gathering of the elders to be with the young ones, the Great Grandkids is not easy.  Transition marks our path of Grandpa who has lost his license (for a good reason), Grandma in Assisted Care in the town we live in but not in the town her husband lives in, my mom in another town not ever to leave her home due to her state of mind.  We move around to see them and think of how much closer we are towards them and less of the young parents we once were.  How many dinners did they do for us to be with us?

In Joni's song these words take on a meaning I never thought of so long ago.....
We have a rocking chair
Someone is always there
Rocking rhythms while they're waiting
with the candle in the window
Sometimes we do
We wait for you



1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

Holidays are rotten to the core with memories. I think we let them have too much meaning for us. Perhaps that is just my own take and is why I hate them so.
Let's let them go and not try to discern meaning from them when they are, after all, just another day. We have more days. We will have more memories.
That was a beautiful post.

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