For the past two years I have enjoyed facebook. I go on multiple times a day, have added and deleted "friends", have found friends from my childhood, connected with family close in relationship and those more distant. I found my half brother and then my half sister through facebook and was delighted for this online ability to do that so easily. I have "liked" musical groups, restaurants, books, clothing stores, you can find just about anything and "like" them.
I am having some grumbles with this though. What did I do before facebook? I use to email friends with long letters and shared photos through my Kodak site where I upload photos. I use to write hand written letters, and to talk on the phone more. I use to take better care of my gardening. I use to read outside on the deck in my wicker rocking chair with a glass of ice tea in the summer and in the winter read under a down throw. I use to play more. Facebook filled the void when R. seemed to not want to play games or do things with me, good ole' mom. It just filled too much of me though.
In two years there have been many pleasures I use to do that have been sadly neglected. What I found that has been truly mislead though is myself. I really believed as I "added" friends to my profile, that I was going to have this amazing vast network of friends that I would call and email to. Those nearby friends I connected back with, we have gone out to lunch or coffee. Others are clearly not so "addicted" as I am (I said it...addicted) and appear to have a life since they aren't on all the time. Once a weeker's, or monthly? How can they do that?
What I believed was something that can't be done. That virtual world of facebook is just that. Virtual...somewhere else. I don't think I understood the purpose or the point of facebook. I just did it...a lot. I feel more lonely now than I did before. Do I really want my friendships to be via a screen photo? I think not. I need something in friendships more tangible. I realize that many friends and family live far away but calling gives me a voice, a sound of laughter, ups and downs. That screen can't do it unless I video chat / skype. I wanted a way to make friends and build up the friendships I had, to be more personal. It didn't happen quite that way. I let myself down in doing this. Facebook is just facebook.
What I need to do is go back and do it the good old fashion way. Meet and greet, call, write, join. I need to get into something where I will meet folks who like to do what I like to do. I need to get out of the house and not sitting in front of my big Mac screen hoping for BFF's to happen. I need to cultivate friendships so I can have those girlfriends who hopefully want a good old fashion girlfriend friendship too. I want to go and shop with a friend. I miss having someone to go do this with since my daughters are all gone. I had built in shoppers and now I don't. I don't have a mom to go do lunch and go shop. How I envy a mother and daughter doing this. Doesn't matter the age, young with little ones or those with an elderly parent, or those in between. I am lonely and I have no one to blame but myself. That hasn't been easy for me to think or say.
I'm decided to check facebook once a week and then just for if I am contacted. Then I will play it by ear. Maybe leave it alone. I don't know yet what I ultimately will do. I just know I have to step away on the time-waster it has become.
Signing off facebook....over and out.
