A new life is blossoming. Our middle daughter is carrying our first grandchild! Could my heart be more full?
Here I sit, creating a beginning of writing once more. This step into my thoughts that I let go, gave up, felt I could not conceive of, here I sit. Here I sit with fingers and mind letting forth my awakened thoughts....
Quickening
Quicken: transitive verb 1 a: to make alive 2 b: to cause to be enlivened
Perhaps I needed a muse to get my first nudge. The new year. Letting go of thoughts that were negative of what I could create. Trust. If I gave encouragement to others to be creative why did I doubt myself? My first thoughts of doubt with writing were the passing of the elders in our families. By 2020 each year from 2014 an elder has passed. A generation of loved ones to never hear, never ask those questions that spring forth in my mind, never feel their loving arms and sweet kisses. I found myself in a darkness as though a candle had blown out and my eyes not yet adjusted. I was not in fear, but in preparation of a new direction in my life.
It took the time it needed.
Quickening
Quicken: intransitive verb 1 a: to come to life b: to reach the stage of gestation at which fetal motion is felt c: to shine more brightly
A week ago my hands lay upon Erin's growing belly in hopes of feeling the littlest kick baby might indulge us with. It had not been so long ago when she felt the first quickening. We waited in silent pause. A holy moment for me. This woman my hands lay upon once was inside the cradle of my womb and now she is before with her child to be growing each passing day.
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The first flutters of life with our first born felt like butterfly wings inside my womb. Slightly ticklish sensations I blissfully pondered upon. I wanted to share those flutters and instinctively I placed Tim's hand to my belly to feel our child move. I thought if I felt it he would too. Instead those early flutters were for me only.
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Then I felt the smallest of movement against my hand. Fleeting. Erin and I waited with smiles upon our faces. I wonder at who this little one shall look like. I wonder what eye color and hair color they shall have. I wonder at the first cry that shall come after birth and how my daughter will be immediately overcome with joy to hold her child and look upon him or her with instinctive love.
One more nudge for me to feel....my grandchild....hello little one....I love you.
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New beginnings may happen at any time. Patience and openness. Awareness of the subtle nudge to let go of fear or the obstacles that may be thrown my way. I'm allowing myself the time to grow and let go and have the pleasure of what comes as my fingers click upon the keyboard.
