Snoring spouse

I cannot sleep.  I try but my Love breathes so loud my brain pops awake.  I hear him and like counting sheep, each breath, snort, snore I am more awake than before.  I try.  I do try to ignore and drift back to where I was in that blissful state of rest.  Then a loud snort pierces my relaxation and I am a bit ticked off. 

I bump him.  I roll him.  I wake him with, "Your snoring" of which he says "I am?".  Yes..........

What to do?  How is it that some nights peace and calm prevail?  Never a snort or snore to be heard.  Dreams of my own to be in.  Oh I would lie if I wasn't to say that I haven't heard myself make some odd noise of snorting or breathing oddly.  Yes, he has bumped me too.  I teasingly tell him in the morning he heard it wrong as I don't snore.  We laugh or joke of that.

Am I sleeping lighter?  Am I already in a state of wakefulness?  How is it that when we were first sleeping together all those years ago that this night oddity did not happen?  The only thing that woke us then was the sensual dream that one would have and wake the other to complete! 

I haven't decided this state of life at 50 and of sleep.  I no longer have the insomnia of my 40's.  I barely have a night sweat anymore.  Now I lay next to a man who sleeps oddly...to me.  He seems warmer and it is harder to spoon.  His hip bothers him and he sleeps sometimes half back and half side, thus the snoring position is achieved.  His pillow provides the support to keep him in this position and I have tried to yank his pillow so his head rolls fully sideways rather than tilted.

Is this why some couples sleep in different rooms?  The need for sleep becomes greater than the need for a warm partner to lie with?  Truly I need my sleep.  I want to lay with my down pillow below my head, cradling the brain that wants to fly into dreamland.  I want to pull my sheet up under my chin, over my shoulder, my toes feeling the softness beneath.  Sinking in....rest.

I will go back.  I cannot stay awake.  I ate a bowl of cereal as once up my tummy begins to awaken too.  A growl of discontent.  I will go back and bump him if he continues his unusual serenade.  My eyes long to close.....

A Tribute to Annie

It wouldn't be me if I did not do this.  I who hold the camera steady, waiting for the shot, waiting for the moment.  The memory that will remain for me to see time and again.  It wouldn't be me if I didn't find the music that fit the image.  These almost three weeks have slipped by as life does and most mornings I wait for Annie to shake, clink her collar with her name tag and rabies tag which in turn wakes Stewie and I at the same time.  Morning, time to get up, time to go outside and then be fed.  The routine, but the routine is different now.

She was just a dog some would say.  But who are they to say that when they did or do not know the bounds of love and companionship we shared?  All the animals in my life have filled a void of love that I must have needed.  My heart is full when I have my pets near me, walking, sitting, sleeping.  Annie would look deep into my eyes, those deep brown eyes, sometimes gaily sometimes with a hint of sorrow, all depending on how I was that day.  No judgement only a soft lick of my hand or my face.  A wag of her tail as if to say "all is well, I am here".  

Now we go on without our Golden girl.  Stewie is sleeping longer.  I may have to use an alarm clock which I haven't used on a regular basis in years and years.  I lay in bed waiting but she is gone.  How grateful I am to have had those past almost 11 years with her, to have filled us with such good times.  She had a good life.  She liked everyone.  

See you someday sweet dog.....with all my dear pups of days gone by.... 

The Long Road

 
And I wished for so long, cannot stay...
All the precious moments, cannot stay...
It's not like wings have fallen, cannot stay...
But I feel something's missing, cannot say...

Holding hands are daughters and sons
And their faiths just falling down, down, down, down...
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today

We all walk the long road. Cannot stay...
There's no need to say goodbye...
All the friends and family
All the memories going round, round, round, round
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today

And the wind keeps roaring
And the sky keeps turning gray
And the sun is set
The sun will rise another day...

We all walk the long road. Cannot stay...
There's no need to say goodbye...
All the friends and family
All the memories going round, round, round, round
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today
How I've wished for so long
How I wish for you today

We all walk the long road

Longing to Belong

Longing To Belong

I'm falling harder than I've
ever fell before
I'm falling fast while hoping
I'll land in your arms
'cause all my time is spent here
longing to belong
to you

I dream of circles perfect
eyes within your face
my heart's an open wound that
only you'd replace
and though the moon is rising
can't put your picture down
love can be frightening when you fall

And when the time is right, I
hope that you'll respond
like when the wind gets tired
the ocean becomes calm
I may be dreaming but I'm
longing to belong
to you 

*********

Now isn't that just beautiful?  

Up and down

These days I am up and I am down.  I want to go on a hike with my two favorite pals but one is gone.  

Stewie and I did take a hike on the trail I broke my wrist on almost a year ago.  I felt off balance without Annie leading us up.  Even Stewie lacked enthusiasm.  We started off gaily but nearing the fork in the trail he looked glum.  I brought water and shared my trail bar with him.  We continued on for a bit then I felt it was time to turn around.

First of all I was glad to pass the spot where I fell, but I also held my arm has I descended the trail.  Stewie looked back at me like he was telling me to hurry up.  I thought of Annie who would have swished her golden plume tail had she been with us.  She would have been less antsy and more about the moment.  Isn't that like a Golden?  Live in the moment?  It wouldn't be how far we went or how much farther we needed to go.  It would be lifting the head and sniffing the air, wagging a tail and smiling her doggy smile.  She would be happy to just BE.

Then  the stupid email on the Silver Goblets came at me like a pie in the face.  

A friend had this on her facebook page and I asked if I could use it....

An old woman once said, "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

  How I need to heed those words.  I should waste no time on those who do not know me and appear to condem me.  

 Thank you Marla for letting me share these very true words.

The Birthday Cake and the Birthday Girl

The cake turned out just wonderful....thank goodness!

The Birthday day girl, my mother by marriage and my sister by marriage....love them dearly!

88 years young...I can't even think that.  I've been a part of this family for over 36 years.   One could not have a finer, more loving mother by marriage that is for sure.  Sister?  Oh yes, I lucked out there too!   I owe a great many recipes to both these women.  I try to live up to their experience but the lesson of trying is the what I have learned most.  Sometimes a recipe works and other times it goes it's own way.  Laugh and learn is my motto.

Cookin'... from tomatoes to cake

I'm trying.  Really, really trying, to get back to normal at our house on the hill.

Last night I finally had the gumption that I had lost this week.  I started thinking about cooking and smiling.  Not that they always go together.  Really I just wanted to smile and be happy.  The heart may feel the lack of my Annie but I need to cheer up.  

What I wanted to make was Fried Green Tomatoes.  Mine are puny and not really perfect for this so I went and bought some Heirloom tomatoes that were green.  Thank you Lunardi's market for having some there!  I texted my daughter E. to see if she wanted to come over for dinner, highlighting the fact I was fixing Fried Green Tomatoes (she and I have a thing for them).  Darn if she had other plans.

Back home with full thoughts for dinner with my two men and here is the recipe via my sister by marriage.  


Fried Green Tomatoes

1/2 cup flour for dredging
1/3 cup yellow cornmeal
1/3 fresh parmesan cheese, grated
2 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup olive oil
2 to 4 green tomatoes, sliced 1/8 thick  
(depends on the size of your tomatoes, mine were the size of an apple)

Have three shallow bowls out (I used pie tins).  Put the flour in one bowl.  In the other bowl add cornmeal, parmesan, oregano, salt and pepper.  In the remaining bowl add 2 eggs and beat them.

Dip your green tomatoes ahead before cooking.  Take one tomato slice at a time, dip in egg, dip in flour, dip in egg and follow with dip in cornmeal mixture.  Repeat till all are done setting them on a paper towel in single layer.

Using a large frying pan add olive oil and heat.

Fry till golden brown on both sides.  Do not crowd pan.

My Love grilled salmon, couscous and those yummy tomatoes

Now my daughter E. and I have a restaurant called Pican we love that use to fix a divine Fried Green Tomato appetizer that had a Buttermilk dressing on it.  We tried to come up with something similar and found this nifty dressing:

Buttermilk Dressing

1/2 cup buttermilk, shaken well
1/2 cup yogurt (greek would be ideal)
1/4 cup fresh Italian parsley leaves, finely chopped
1 T. white vinegar
1  1/2 tsp. kosher salt
1/2 tsp. fresh ground black pepper

Whisk all ingredients in a bowl until smooth and evenly combined.

Drizzle this over your Fried Green Tomatoes and tell me if you don't think these two were made in food heaven.


Today I am making my mother by marriage her birthday cake.  She is 88 years young today!  I have a dandy recipe that daughter E. shared with my son and I.   However it tends to overflow my cake pans as it grows as it bakes and the batter is thin.   So I figure my pans are too shallow and use the one higher sided cake pan that opens on the side (wish I had two).  I guess today I don't have the bottom in right (upside down) and as soon as I have filled both cake pans I am seeing leakage.  To deal with this fiasco I put a cookies sheet underneath to catch the batter till it starts to set.  What else could I do?  Oh well.  My layers will be unmatched (on is deeper than the other by a good 1/4 inch) but hey there is a delicious frosting to go on top and know one will no but me....hopefully.

Wish me luck with the cake as I need to whip up the frosting now and make a salad to bring as well.

The sun is shining, the air is warm and life is good.  Annie would be with me laying on her doggy bed in the kitchen watching me cook, hoping for some tidbit to fall for her to eat.  Hope she has many treats to eat in doggy heaven!  Unlimited doggy biscuit bar.....

Wildflowers of the Rockies

The Columbine

Sweet Marie, here's a columbine,
The summer can surely spare it.
See!  Here's a delicate twig to twine,
To braid in this beautiful hair of thine.
Sweet Marie, here's a columbine
Take it, my queen, and wear it!

Waved by the wind in the summer time;
Wet by the summer showers;
Blown in the balm of this beautiful clime,
Over our head where the hills are rime;
Waved by the winds in the summer time
Fairest of forest flowers.

For I have brought you this boutonniere,
Plucked from the hills above you,
To weave in the waves of your beautiful hair,
Or wear in your breast where the love songs are.
I have brought you this boutonniere
Take it, because I love you.

~Cy Warman~  1892