In the bed we share.....

   

  When I crawl into bed at night I lay there waiting....
          Till he is through brushing his teeth. 
               For so many years the habits we form,
                     The habits we share......
                           The time we wait for each other


         I lie still and quiet
              Awaiting him to lay next to me....
                    And I wait with joy and anticipation....
                        The time when all the day will fade away



     Then he is next to me
         I am already warm from our lofty down comforter
            He is cool and slides close to my body.....
                He reaches for my hand and I to his
                     Our fingers entwine....
                          Mine so small  as though I am a child.

       We lie close and our bodies warm to each other...
            It has been this way for so many years...
               My feet touching his shins.
                    I can not reach his toes with mine
                         Till his reach up to touch mine....



        Which way?  I ask....
            Will he spoon me or will I spoon him?
                 These nightly rituals we do, we ask...
                     Each way has its peace...each way
         
        Each way....
            Where I will fall ....into a blissful sleep.
                Each night where he will kiss my neck
                   My ear....my neck....
                        He will kiss me....


       I know that I am loved
          And I  love him like I can never love another.
               We fall....
                  Into our dream sleep
                      The one time that we do not know
                         Where each other is...though side by side we lay.


     Morning comes
         Once more our hands reach for each others
             To twine once again and lay....
                 Quiet....so quiet.
                       Must we break this magic time where it is 
                           Just us?


     I feel his breath on my neck
         As he turns to kiss me good morning
            Sometimes it is me who does this...but today it is him.
                Curling, in our embrace of each other
                   Where time does stand still.

What is humane....and is suffering what humans must endure?

 

I saw this in our newspaper today....

I know euthanasia is compassionate for our pets 

but as for people suffering, 

even when they  will not survive, 

are forced to suffer in their remaining months, 

days and hours of their lives.  

I know we can't play God but 

why should the end of a life be horribly tortuous

for the sufferer and their loved ones?

Why can't a life end in the loving arms of family 

in peace and dignity?

 

Tammerlin Drummond: Pet deaths often more humane than humans'

By Tammerlin Drummond
Contra Costa Times columnist

Posted: 04/18/2010 12:01:00 AM PDT

ON Friday, I went with a longtime friend to put her terminally ill 15-year-old cat to sleep.

Cornflake was one of three pets featured in a column I wrote in September about the great expense and challenges of caring for sickly old cats and dogs.

Back then, Cornflake recently had been diagnosed with cancer. His owner, Dorian Laird, had spent thousands of dollars on chemotherapy and hospital bills.
It was a huge bite out of the substitute teacher's paycheck. Yet she didn't hesitate to do all she could to save the cat, who had been her companion since he was 8 months old and could fit in the palm of her hand.
"I love him," she said. "He's not ready to check out, and I'm not ready to let him go."
Seven months later, Cornflake had wasted away to skin and bones. With a heavy heart, my friend decided it was time.
On Thursday, she fixed her feline friend a final dinner of baked salmon and delighted in watching him scarf it down.
The next day, she loaded him into his nylon carrier for his final journey.
Laird, her sister, Gina, and I made the trek to the East Bay SPCA in Oakland to do the dreaded deed.
I am no stranger to death.
In the past several years, I have lost a grandmother to lung cancer, a stepmother to breast cancer, an uncle to decades of heroin abuse and a friend to brain cancer. All succumbed after lengthy, painful illnesses.
I was in the room when two of them left this world.I have, however, never had a pet euthanized.
As is ironically so often the case with funerals, it was a beautiful, sunny day.
My friend, her sister and I sat outside the veterinary clinic waiting for it to open. We talked about their master's degree projects, my backyard renovation, the great sale at Talbots. We talked about everything except what we were about to do.
We unzipped Cornflake's carrier so he could soak in some final rays.
My friend went inside to settle the bill so she would not have to deal with it afterward.
Soon, a member of the vet staff ushered us into an examining room. A vet tech explained that they would briefly take Cornflake to put a needle into his vein. The vet then would bring him back into the room with us to dispense the medication that would put him out of his misery.
After what seemed an eternity, the vet tech brought Cornflake back.
As we had suspected, he was so thin they'd had difficulty finding a vein. "He cursed at us a few times," the tech said.
I thought back to my poor late grandmother in the emergency room at Kaiser. A young, obviously inexperienced nurse had stuck her multiple times trying to locate a vein. My grandmother was a retired nurse, and she angrily told him to go find somebody else.
My friend held Cornflake on her lap.
I started snapping pictures with my BlackBerry. When all else fails, hide behind a camera.
The vet asked if we were ready.
My friend's face sagged.
The vet, a very kind woman, said it looked like we needed more time.
My friend tearfully nodded.
More BlackBerry snaps. More stalling.
Then, finally, my friend said she guessed we had better go ahead and do it.
The vet began to administer the medication while Cornflake sat peacefully in his owner's lap.
Within seconds, he was gone.
I could not believe how fast it was.
There was no agonized thrashing. No moaning. No final gasping for air. No weeks upon weeks of standing by helplessly while he writhed in pain.
For one final time, Cornflake lay stretched out on his owner's lap. His huge eyes were still open — staring.
It suddenly occurred to me that he had died with more dignity than a lot of people.put him out of his misery.
After what seemed an eternity, the vet tech brought Cornflake back.
As we had suspected, he was so thin they'd had difficulty finding a vein. "He cursed at us a few times," the tech said.
I thought back to my poor late grandmother in the emergency room at Kaiser. A young, obviously inexperienced nurse had stuck her multiple times trying to locate a vein. My grandmother was a retired nurse, and she angrily told him to go find somebody else.
My friend held Cornflake on her lap.
I started snapping pictures with my BlackBerry. When all else fails, hide behind a camera.
The vet asked if we were ready. My friend's face sagged.
The vet, a very kind woman, said it looked like we needed more time.
My friend tearfully nodded.I could not believe how fast it was.
There was no agonized thrashing. No moaning. No final gasping for air. No weeks upon weeks of standing by helplessly while he writhed in pain.
For one final time, Cornflake lay stretched out on his owner's lap. His huge eyes were still open — staring.
It suddenly occurred to me that he had died with more dignity than a lot of people.



Tammerlin Drummond is a columnist for the Bay Area News Group. Reach her at tdrummond@bayareanewsgroup.com or Twitter.com/Tammerlin .

Honeymoon Part 3 ~ Corfu ~

  For the rest of the day A. gave us a sightseeing trip around the old part of town.   What stands out in my memory is the church Agios Spyridon which has the relics of St. Spyridon their patron saint inside in a silver casket that we could walk right up to.  Looking at photos of it online now I can't say I remember it the same way.  To me it was very dark inside, like so many of the churches we had seen throughout  Italy and Spain.   Those faithful to this saint leave notes that they try to stuff into the casket of their prayers to hopefully be answered.  The casket is in a chapel off from to the side of the main alter where there are silver chandeliers, candelabras and incense burners.   Four times of the year the casket is paraded through the town with the mummified saint's face exposed.  It is to commemorate the four occasions when he saved the island from disaster, famine, twice from plague and once from Turkish invasion.  

       After A. led us around giving us the guided tour of the town, somewhere along the way we ate and my Love and I were ready for a cozy bed since we hadn't had a bed to sleep in for several nights.  You can only do so much sightseeing when you are bone tired.  A. said he had found a place for us to spend the night before we would leave to go to the fantastic beach he had found.  I thought we would be at some sort of pension, like where we had been staying all during this trip except for the times we did camp.  We walked to a building, up a flight of stairs and A. knocked on the door.  Strange to have to knock on the door of a pension I thought.  The door opened to a room where many people were smoking and sitting around.  A. was talking a mile a minute in Greek to someone while we stood there with our backpacks feeling  quite awkward. 

     Someone asked to look at our passports.  A. translated that we were told we could not have a room together as they didn't believe we were really married since my passport had my maiden name on it and not my new married name.  It was clear this was not a pension but their family home.  I don't know where A. was going to sleep as he left once he had set us up  for the night.   I was not happy at being separated from my Love.  I thought maybe I would  have my own room, though that was wishful thinking.  I was led to a room with several cots and a single bed.  It was clear I was to have roommates.  One was a very old lady and the other a middle age woman, none of which spoke any English.  They would look at me and say things but I didn't know what to say.  I decided I would just fake falling asleep even though it wasn't that late.  I found the bathroom, brushed my teeth and then settled on the cot, curling myself away from their eyes.  It felt like they talked forever.  I fell asleep wondering where my Love was and what situation he had.    

     What I found out from him the next day was that he was in a room with some other men who chain smoked  and talked for a long time as well.   My Love does not smoke nor does he like being around those who smoke.  I felt awful that he had to endure that evening in his room away from me breathing in all that foul  second hand smoke.

     The next morning I woke up and quietly left the room to shower.  I must say I thought I had seen most types of bathroom arrangements but this one did confuse me.  Even though I had used the bathroom the previous night I never paid much attention to the shower set up.  The room was square with the toilet near the sink in one corner, a drain in the middle of the slightly sloped tile floor.  In the opposite corner from the sink I saw the  wall mounted shower knobs and then a hand holding shower head.  No shower curtain anywhere.  Okay so I hope I don't splash all over this room.  I quickly did my showering  and felt odd leaving the bathroom floor wet.  Thankfully when I came out my Love was in the common room of the apartment.  Smiling and feeling better upon seeing him we were ready to head out to see the beach A. had been telling us so much about.  He did his cleanup and we bid a goodbye and out into the sunny morning we went.  We came upon A. in the area near where the Yogurt shop was and once again had that delicious warm yogurt with honey for our morning breakfast. 

      

My boy who is becoming a man....

How did it happen?  A blink ago he was but a babe held in my arms so safe.  Looking into my eyes with such depth.   Holding onto my fingers so tightly with his small fist, his fingers grasping on as though I was his link to the whole wide world that he knew.  I can still remember him as I would hold him upright in my arms looking over my shoulder ...mouthing his thumb or smacking his lips, drooling on my shoulder, nuzzling my neck with his little head.  I could hear his sweet breath on me in my ear.  So close, so dear. 


Another blink...he is learning to walk on wobbly short legs holding on to our dog Jesse by the back as they went down our hallway.  Silly sounds he would make, falling down and picking himself up.  So happy.  Jesse and he the same age.  Family and friends thought I was crazy to get a puppy when I had a three month old baby.  To me it was perfectly normal and easy.  They were little buddies together.  

Blink....he is on his yellow tractor in the driveway.  Trying to scoop up dirt, wood or his outside toys with the front loader.  He could name me all the parts of a truck, could name me every type of truck and what they did.   We spent so much time outside where there were trees to climb, to help Daddy where he worked in the garage, help to feed our horses or bring them from the field.  Daddy would put him on our white mare Synmora as they would come to the barn.  Rocking on her back, holding onto her long silver white mane.  Our yard his park.  Daddy built a large sandbox where he would work with his toy trucks.  Endless job sites he would make and tear down to start all over again and again. 

Blink...tossing baseballs with Daddy back and forth.  I couldn't get the hang of using a mitt and he was throwing much stronger so it was a shift from me to Daddy.  Everything was Daddy.  I was in his world but not the way he needed.  Daddy built "our field of dreams" in the pasture where I would work the horses with my lunge line.  The Little League team played here with a game between the dad's and the boys.  The mommies watching above realizing our little boys were growing so fast and away from us.  It was then that we each opened up how those baby/child days were gone.  They had slipped past us with barely a chance to know what had happened.  Our men looking at their boys and they too at last seeing the boys they had only seen as "mama's boy's" now theirs.  Now they could dream of what they thought their son's would become.  They all thought their boy's were the best little baseball players and yet they were only 7.

Blink....we share a love for books.  Night after night reading stories at bedtime till the time came when he would want to read by himself.  I was happy that he found such pleasure in this but still missed crawling up on his bed, snuggled so close, he hanging on every word I would read to him.   Now I could see him through the curtains on the french doors to his room, propped up on his bed turning pages till he would hop down and turn off the light.    All by himself.  I wanted so much to be there reading with him but I knew this time was his.  


Blink....Did he just turn 9, 10, 11, 12....did those years just fly by without my having a say?  Could we not hold those days of walks by the duck pond, playing at the park, swim lessons, trips to get ice cream on a hot summer day?  What about the kid movies where we would get candy or popcorn or both along with a Slushie, because he is my last baby and I can't really say no.  All the trips to buy Pokemon cards at Target for his collection.  Going to see the SF Giants play in San Francisco and of course buying a hot dog and a soda.  What could be better on a sunny day or even a night game with the crowd cheering on our home team.  Looking at the stars on a dark night, listening out for the owl in the redwood tree by the barn.  Peewee golf, golfing with Daddy on a nine hole golf course.  

Blink.....he is fourteen.  His electric guitar he plays with such intensity.  I hear him everyday as he practices, trying out new riffs, recognizing Santana, Guns n Roses, Led Zeppelin from time to time and now new musicians I am not familiar with.  I am learning from him.  I am in awe of him and is devotion to his music.  


Sometimes I look at him when he does not see me.  I wonder what he is thinking, what is going through his mind.  What an awkward age from this last year of Middle School before High School.  He is such a good student and I understand his need for space without mom and dad.  I remember  that time for me when I too wanted to be alone in my room, the door shut not wanting to be with the rest of the household.  I respect that time for him yet I miss him so.  I know that in the next blink he will be heading out the door from us.  On to the next blink in his life...but it will be his life without us.  


I selfishly want to go back and do it all over, exactly the same, to try it all over again.  I want to feel him in my arms as he falls asleep, that moment when I would lay him down in his crib where he would roll to his side and his thumb would slide into his mouth, sucking so softly.  His cheeks rosy from nursing as he lay against his little lambie  he slept upon.  I could stand there and watch him endlessly.  I could have chosen not to put him in that crib but keep him between my Love and I.  So many times we would lay him between us,  marveling at him, touching his so soft skin, stroking his little fists.  He was so wanted.   He was a dream that happened after such a long time from his sisters.  Our little miracle.  

Each day though I know I must let him go.  It started really a long time ago.  Those days when he would scamper away from me at the park, looking back to see where I was but off he would go.  I know he will always be here in my heart if not in my line of sight.  I know I will still feel his hugs though now he looks down on me and his shoulders are beginning to broaden as he awkwardly puts his arms around me.  Soon it will be a girl friend he holds and I will be out of his thoughts, as it should be.  My man /child.   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Photo by Megan Frasheski

Tsunami Warning

    

     There is a Tsunami warning coming.  I can feel it in my gut.  A feeling I don't like causing anxiety to grip my core wanting me to flee.  Higher ground, higher ground!  


     Tsunami:  I looked up some synonyms:  Interesting what applies to me:

             breakup  cataclysm  choppiness  climax  convulsion  disaster  heave  


             paroxysm  popple  quake  rise  roll  scend  spasm  surge   swell   temblor


                             tidal wave   undulation   upheaval   whitecaps


     Oh yes I can feel it coming and I am not prepared emotionally for this.   I am in fear of what is to come even though I know I should do as I said and take it one step at a time.

     Mother.  I have visions of the Tsunami happening.  The earthquake has happened, the facts  have been given, the diagnosis presented.  Like my earth has been rocked even though I knew in my heart what was wrong with her it still resonates all around me.  Accept, acknowledge, pretend you are fine, trust the actions in place.  "Everything is fine" she keeps saying, "I am just fine" she keeps saying, "The doctors say I am alright" she keeps saying.  Over and over I hear this in every phone call to me.  

     And now the water is receding...the information shared, sinking in slowly. Wondering.
How long before the huge wave comes back to drown me?


     I have been told by her doctors she knows what is wrong with herself but she is in denial or does not fully grasp the gravity for her life.   Initially all this was laid out and explained to my brother and I.   I  had to read more to understand and let it sink in.  I didn't see all that I had read about FTD in relation to my mom or as yet to be.  


     FTD:  Frontotemporal Dementia:  A cluster of progressive diseases that affect the regions of the brain that control personality, behavior, language and decision-making.


     Of late I have had talks with multiple physicians, her lawyer, business partners, those who have helped my mom in other areas and I feel so overwhelmed.  I felt my mom had a great safety net around her that she and my dad, while he was alive, put together.  Yet now I feel I am being asked to deal more directly and I am scared.  What care does she need?  Is she fine with the way things have been?  Do we trust everyone?  When do we need to tighten the safety net?

     She has been taken advantage of.  We found that out of recent.  An obscene amount of money to an alteration lady.  Someone I have known from many years ago who even altered my daughters prom dresses.  Someone who smiled and was kind and friendly.  Someone I would not have thought could become untrustworthy.  Or did she just get sucked in by my mom and her generosity, who didn't want to disappoint this client by saying no to the extra cash that came her way?  I want to call her, see her and ask her this.  For now we are doing one step at a time to protect her.  Still wondering how to navigate that ocean.

     I can feel my Calm Forte working, feel my anxiety ebbing slowly.  I may need to take two but I only took one.  I can't let the anxiety eat me.   I have to stop the gripping of my gut that is scratching at my insides.  I can get a breath in without the pain of fear.  Fear is the devil.

      I have to meet with another man who wants donations from my mom.  An act she started over a year ago and of course him being a major fundraiser he is doing his job to woo her for this.  I called him on on my own, without her knowledge to act in her behalf though I am sure with her present state of mind would be angry as a cornered cat if she knew.  I tried to explain to him what my mom has, asked him if he ever heard of it, told him she cannot do what he would like her to do.  Host a party for 30 to 40 people for the purpose of soliciting donations.  Like sharks circling they are waiting, and waiting for the moment to attack.  I am more than happy to meet him, to see him face to face, to hope in the meantime he looks up FTD and understands my concerns.   Of course I will stand firm that he fish for a new location for his gathering.  My mom cannot do this.  Oh she would try because this is what she use to do.  She was the Queen of fundraising!  She could cajole a person so easily and before they knew what had happened.  She could get anyone to do to her bidding.  She was good, that good.


     To be honest...I have always been scared of my mom.  Age has not helped or changed a thing.  I was the one who could not say "yes" or "no" when she asked to go somewhere, do something because I was afraid to speak up for myself.  Yes, many times I did want to do or go with her but a whole heck of a lot of times I didn't.  My whole family would go because of my fear if I said no.  Why oh why did I not stand up to her so long ago?  Now I am quaking in my shoes to have to deal with her life, the web that I don't know how to navigate, the places I have NEVER been allowed into.  My mom a woman of secrets who trusts no one.  I do believe this...for if they went against her then they are GONE from her life.  Dumped, shunned, uninvited.  Done deal.  Being the family well I would be yelled at or made to feel as bad as she could and she did know how to push my buttons.  Really well.  What now though?  Verbally she can't speak like she use to.  The tone will be there.  I need to find that thick skinned suit to put on.  Why am I shaking right now?

   

  I need another Calm Forte.  I need peace.  I need strength.  I need confidence.  I need a hug from my Love.


    

      


      


     





     

The Best Tasting Yogurt!

     After I wrote about our honeymoon to Europe and the delicious Greek yogurt I had on Corfu I wanted to try and make yogurt again.  I say again because I have had several yogurt makers since then, have enjoyed making it and eating it but then it was pushed to the back of the cabinet not used and eventually given away.  


     I went online Googled in Yogurt Makers, researched, read recipes, researched more and finally bought the Waring Pro YM350 Professional Yogurt Maker from Amazon.  I choose it because of the good reviews and the ability to use different size containers in the unit.  I could even use other containers than the ones that came with it if I wanted.  


     The first time I used Greek Yogurt as my starter since I wanted to try to duplicate the flavor and texture that I remembered on Corfu.  I bought some Fage whole milk yogurt and let it Mature for 10 hours.  It was smooth and ever so creamy but did have a distinct flavor that was more tangy than I was wanting.  The next time I let it Mature for 8 hours.  This time it was more thin and less creamy with the tangy flavor.


    The third time I decided to use Brown Cow brand yogurt for my starter.  I had read that to make a good yogurt it should have Live Active Cultures in it.  The Brown Cow brand has four:  S. thermophilus, L. bulgaricus, L.acidophilus, and Bifidus.  Fage only had two live cultures.  You need to use a whole milk yogurt as a starter as well.  No substitution of lowfat or nonfat.  Also no flavored or ones with sweeteners of any kind.  Buy the best one you can.  Read the labels.


     So why four active are better than two?  Here is a reason from aboutyogurt.com :

Researchers around the world are studying the potential attributes of live and active culture yogurt in preventing gastrointestinal infections, boosting the body's immune system, fighting certain types of cancer and preventing osteoporosis. More research must be done to establish a definitive link between live and active culture yogurt and these health effects, but the results to date are encouraging.

Additionally, the live and active cultures found in yogurt break down lactose in milk. This allows lactose intolerant individuals who commonly experience gastrointestinal discomfort when they consume milk products to eat yogurt and receive the nutrients contained in the milk product without the side effects of abdominal cramping, bloating and diarrhea.

   So on to how I make perfect yogurt!

   You need to use a saucepan that will hold at least 6 quarts.

    

  

    Add 4 3/4 cups 1% milk in the saucepan over medium heat.  You will need to stir frequently so you don't burn the milk at the bottom of the saucepan and also to keep from creating a skin on top of the milk.  

     The milk needs to be heated to 185 degrees, which is before boiling.  You do not want to bring it to a boil.  I use this nifty gadget that I can use in the saucepan to tell me when it comes exactly to 185 degrees while I am stirring.  This takes about 15 minutes to come to this temperature.

   Once it comes to 185 degrees you take it off the heat.  You now will let it cool to 110 degrees.  This will take about 35 minutes or so.  I pour the milk into my bowl that has a pouring spout on one side of it to cool in.  

     While the milk is cooling I get my next two ingredients ready.   You will need 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons of Nonfat Dry Milk and 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons of your  yogurt starter (my choice Brown Cow whole plain yogurt).  Once you have made your first batch of yogurt you use your own yogurt as the starter.  I read that every so many batches you should start with a fresh starter.  I haven't done this to date so I am not sure why you need to do this.  

     This is my homemade yogurt that I made and use for the starter...isn't it yummy looking? 

     This is the nonfat dry milk ready to be used and the yogurt too.  

     Once the milk has cooled to 110 degrees I whisk in the dry milk till it is fully blended.  Then I take some of the milk and add it to my waiting starter yogurt.  I don't want to shock the cold yogurt with the warm milk.  I whisk it to blend and then add to the bowl.

     I whisk till it is fully blended.  You don't want any unblended yogurt or the dry milk.

     Now you pour the blend into your cups.  You can see the two sizes of cups that the Waring comes with.  You do not put the lids on top during the maturing.

     You place the cups in the unit and cover with the dome lid.  As you can see I set mine for 10 hours.  The unit will beep once when it is done.  Take the freshly made yogurt out and place the lids on top and put them in the fridge.  For a new taste try it warm...it is just as good warm as cold but don't warm once it has been in the fridge....you can't do that...only when you first take it out.

   

     You can use whole, 1%, 2% milk ...it is your choice but we drink 1%  and we don't need all the fat.  This tastes so smooth and creamy with no tang which is how we like it.   Your starter should not be older than 5 days old.  If it is start with a fresh one the next time you make a batch.

     Okay I know you can't see that delicious yogurt hidden under the granola and blueberries but it is my current favorite lunch!  I can't wait till fresh summer blueberries or fresh peaches are out to put on top so for now I am using organic frozen blueberries from Costco.   I do need a homemade granola recipe...any out there?

      Oh and with this I like to have this yummy bread from Trader Joe's.....

     It is a huge half loaf that is just so good!  Not that I eat it all...I cut the loaf in half and then slice a smaller slice off.

     If you ever thought of making your own yogurt do it.  I simply will not be able to buy commercial ever again except when I need a new starter.  This tastes nothing like what you buy in a store.  Even the expensive ones or the organic ones and it costs a lot less to do your own.  There are no added sugars, sweeteners, colors or pectin.  If you want to add your own flavors you can do that yourself with what you want.  The choices are yours but you won't regret it.   

     I do start this process in the morning as it does take about 11 hours from start to finish.  If you do it at night start making it late.  Once I did it in the evening and it was done at 4:30 am.  You do not want to have to get up in the wee hours of the morning to take the yogurt out.

    Happy Yogurt making!

Spring in the foothills of Mt. Diablo...

     


     My love and I went on a hike the other day.  It was a glorious blue sky day, not a cloud to be seen, and the air so fresh and light.  We took our water, almonds and cashews mix, brought our pups and headed off on some new trails we had not hiked on before.  

     


     Two horseback riders were ahead of us which made me miss my horses and going trail riding.  To feel the rocking motion of my horse and hear the squeaky sound my saddle would make on a ride.  The sound of my horse snorting as she would breath in the smell of green grass.  She would try to grab a mouthful of that sweet grass from time to time.  I couldn't blame her since it is so enticing as a breeze waves it's aroma to us.  This time of year she would have been full of the beans as I called it.  Wanting to get moving and not walk along. I would feel those powerful muscles under me, contained by my talking to her and holding her back till the right time where I would squeeze my legs and cluck to her, the okay to move out and into a trot or a canter.  That sensation I will never forget nor my desire to ride.  

     My Love always walks faster than me.  I am slow, stopping often to look around and take pictures.  I like to look at him ahead, seeing Annie our Golden see what is ahead on the trail.  Annie whose tail is plumed out waving like a flag, her tongue lolling out.  She is so happy on these hikes.  She hugs his side looking up at him her leader.  They stop every so often to see where I am on the trail.  Little Stewie and I going at our own pace catching up to them to enjoy the views.  


     At the top is this huge Oak tree.  No sign of leaves as yet and I think about how beautiful it will be when it is all leafed out in the weeks to come.  It is all alone at the top of this rise, majestically standing for us to admire.  

     To my right I see Mt. Diablo cloaked in green.  It won't last long this green as the warm sunny days to come will quickly turn it to golden brown.  For now we admire how it looks and think of Ireland when we were there years ago and how green the hills were.  I wish it would stay green all year!

     The poppies are just coming out and soon there will be so many to see on these hills.  

     As we are hiking along I realize I have ridden these trails on horseback.  I just had come from a different direction.  It feels and looks different walking on 
the ground versus on the back of a horse.  Our trail we are on now is narrow and some parts are muddy.  Stewie takes the high side of the rise above the trail to stay out of the mud.  I notice Annie's underbelly coat has gotten muddy as well as her feet and I am glad we have a towel in the car.  


     I love the shadows the trees cast down the slope of the hill.  The wild mustard is rising up with their small little yellow flowers dappling the hills.  Soon they will be quite tall and the flowers abundant.  I wonder when the cows will be grazing on the hills.  They have had the cows graze here for fire protection though the cows trample and leave their huge cow pies everywhere.  For now it is virgin.  Many parts of the trails we walk on have clover with purple flowers under our feet.  


     There are Buckeye trees with there leaves filling in.  I hope that the next time we come up their white flowers will be on them.  I just wish they would stay green all year rather than lose their leaves midsummer.  They are such beautiful trees.  We had one at our previous home and our girls loved to climb up the trunk of the tree and perch on it's limbs.  

     I love these rolling hills!  We hear all the birds singing around us.  We pass just a few people and another horseback rider.  All are happy today and smiling as we exchange greetings.  The walkers pet the pups and those with dogs stop for puppy greetings as well.  Lots of tail wagging.

     


     We see Shell Ridge, it's undulating rounded tops that my photo can't capture all of.  We think it looks like a Stegosaurus dinosaur back.


     Our hike ended up being 6 miles.  We didn't plan to be on that long a hike but with it being so pretty it would be worth the soreness in our legs in days to come.  The pups would sleep well that night as well as us.  




     I told my Love that night that I would dream of riding on my horse Banner on the trails I had gone on so many times.  I wanted to remember all the sights and sounds you hear while out by myself.  I wanted to feel a canter on the trail and feel the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face.  I wanted to feel my seat in the saddle.  I wanted to talk as I use to to my horse who I shared so many secrets, dreams, and tears.  To feel my arms around my horses's neck as I would lean over my saddle, run my fingers through her long mane, breathe her in.  Dream....happy trails....