A Tribute to Annie

It wouldn't be me if I did not do this.  I who hold the camera steady, waiting for the shot, waiting for the moment.  The memory that will remain for me to see time and again.  It wouldn't be me if I didn't find the music that fit the image.  These almost three weeks have slipped by as life does and most mornings I wait for Annie to shake, clink her collar with her name tag and rabies tag which in turn wakes Stewie and I at the same time.  Morning, time to get up, time to go outside and then be fed.  The routine, but the routine is different now.

She was just a dog some would say.  But who are they to say that when they did or do not know the bounds of love and companionship we shared?  All the animals in my life have filled a void of love that I must have needed.  My heart is full when I have my pets near me, walking, sitting, sleeping.  Annie would look deep into my eyes, those deep brown eyes, sometimes gaily sometimes with a hint of sorrow, all depending on how I was that day.  No judgement only a soft lick of my hand or my face.  A wag of her tail as if to say "all is well, I am here".  

Now we go on without our Golden girl.  Stewie is sleeping longer.  I may have to use an alarm clock which I haven't used on a regular basis in years and years.  I lay in bed waiting but she is gone.  How grateful I am to have had those past almost 11 years with her, to have filled us with such good times.  She had a good life.  She liked everyone.  

See you someday sweet dog.....with all my dear pups of days gone by.... 

The Long Road

 
And I wished for so long, cannot stay...
All the precious moments, cannot stay...
It's not like wings have fallen, cannot stay...
But I feel something's missing, cannot say...

Holding hands are daughters and sons
And their faiths just falling down, down, down, down...
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today

We all walk the long road. Cannot stay...
There's no need to say goodbye...
All the friends and family
All the memories going round, round, round, round
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today

And the wind keeps roaring
And the sky keeps turning gray
And the sun is set
The sun will rise another day...

We all walk the long road. Cannot stay...
There's no need to say goodbye...
All the friends and family
All the memories going round, round, round, round
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today
How I've wished for so long
How I wish for you today

We all walk the long road

Longing to Belong

Longing To Belong

I'm falling harder than I've
ever fell before
I'm falling fast while hoping
I'll land in your arms
'cause all my time is spent here
longing to belong
to you

I dream of circles perfect
eyes within your face
my heart's an open wound that
only you'd replace
and though the moon is rising
can't put your picture down
love can be frightening when you fall

And when the time is right, I
hope that you'll respond
like when the wind gets tired
the ocean becomes calm
I may be dreaming but I'm
longing to belong
to you 

*********

Now isn't that just beautiful?  

Up and down

These days I am up and I am down.  I want to go on a hike with my two favorite pals but one is gone.  

Stewie and I did take a hike on the trail I broke my wrist on almost a year ago.  I felt off balance without Annie leading us up.  Even Stewie lacked enthusiasm.  We started off gaily but nearing the fork in the trail he looked glum.  I brought water and shared my trail bar with him.  We continued on for a bit then I felt it was time to turn around.

First of all I was glad to pass the spot where I fell, but I also held my arm has I descended the trail.  Stewie looked back at me like he was telling me to hurry up.  I thought of Annie who would have swished her golden plume tail had she been with us.  She would have been less antsy and more about the moment.  Isn't that like a Golden?  Live in the moment?  It wouldn't be how far we went or how much farther we needed to go.  It would be lifting the head and sniffing the air, wagging a tail and smiling her doggy smile.  She would be happy to just BE.

Then  the stupid email on the Silver Goblets came at me like a pie in the face.  

A friend had this on her facebook page and I asked if I could use it....

An old woman once said, "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

  How I need to heed those words.  I should waste no time on those who do not know me and appear to condem me.  

 Thank you Marla for letting me share these very true words.

The Birthday Cake and the Birthday Girl

The cake turned out just wonderful....thank goodness!

The Birthday day girl, my mother by marriage and my sister by marriage....love them dearly!

88 years young...I can't even think that.  I've been a part of this family for over 36 years.   One could not have a finer, more loving mother by marriage that is for sure.  Sister?  Oh yes, I lucked out there too!   I owe a great many recipes to both these women.  I try to live up to their experience but the lesson of trying is the what I have learned most.  Sometimes a recipe works and other times it goes it's own way.  Laugh and learn is my motto.

Cookin'... from tomatoes to cake

I'm trying.  Really, really trying, to get back to normal at our house on the hill.

Last night I finally had the gumption that I had lost this week.  I started thinking about cooking and smiling.  Not that they always go together.  Really I just wanted to smile and be happy.  The heart may feel the lack of my Annie but I need to cheer up.  

What I wanted to make was Fried Green Tomatoes.  Mine are puny and not really perfect for this so I went and bought some Heirloom tomatoes that were green.  Thank you Lunardi's market for having some there!  I texted my daughter E. to see if she wanted to come over for dinner, highlighting the fact I was fixing Fried Green Tomatoes (she and I have a thing for them).  Darn if she had other plans.

Back home with full thoughts for dinner with my two men and here is the recipe via my sister by marriage.  


Fried Green Tomatoes

1/2 cup flour for dredging
1/3 cup yellow cornmeal
1/3 fresh parmesan cheese, grated
2 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup olive oil
2 to 4 green tomatoes, sliced 1/8 thick  
(depends on the size of your tomatoes, mine were the size of an apple)

Have three shallow bowls out (I used pie tins).  Put the flour in one bowl.  In the other bowl add cornmeal, parmesan, oregano, salt and pepper.  In the remaining bowl add 2 eggs and beat them.

Dip your green tomatoes ahead before cooking.  Take one tomato slice at a time, dip in egg, dip in flour, dip in egg and follow with dip in cornmeal mixture.  Repeat till all are done setting them on a paper towel in single layer.

Using a large frying pan add olive oil and heat.

Fry till golden brown on both sides.  Do not crowd pan.

My Love grilled salmon, couscous and those yummy tomatoes

Now my daughter E. and I have a restaurant called Pican we love that use to fix a divine Fried Green Tomato appetizer that had a Buttermilk dressing on it.  We tried to come up with something similar and found this nifty dressing:

Buttermilk Dressing

1/2 cup buttermilk, shaken well
1/2 cup yogurt (greek would be ideal)
1/4 cup fresh Italian parsley leaves, finely chopped
1 T. white vinegar
1  1/2 tsp. kosher salt
1/2 tsp. fresh ground black pepper

Whisk all ingredients in a bowl until smooth and evenly combined.

Drizzle this over your Fried Green Tomatoes and tell me if you don't think these two were made in food heaven.


Today I am making my mother by marriage her birthday cake.  She is 88 years young today!  I have a dandy recipe that daughter E. shared with my son and I.   However it tends to overflow my cake pans as it grows as it bakes and the batter is thin.   So I figure my pans are too shallow and use the one higher sided cake pan that opens on the side (wish I had two).  I guess today I don't have the bottom in right (upside down) and as soon as I have filled both cake pans I am seeing leakage.  To deal with this fiasco I put a cookies sheet underneath to catch the batter till it starts to set.  What else could I do?  Oh well.  My layers will be unmatched (on is deeper than the other by a good 1/4 inch) but hey there is a delicious frosting to go on top and know one will no but me....hopefully.

Wish me luck with the cake as I need to whip up the frosting now and make a salad to bring as well.

The sun is shining, the air is warm and life is good.  Annie would be with me laying on her doggy bed in the kitchen watching me cook, hoping for some tidbit to fall for her to eat.  Hope she has many treats to eat in doggy heaven!  Unlimited doggy biscuit bar.....

Wildflowers of the Rockies

The Columbine

Sweet Marie, here's a columbine,
The summer can surely spare it.
See!  Here's a delicate twig to twine,
To braid in this beautiful hair of thine.
Sweet Marie, here's a columbine
Take it, my queen, and wear it!

Waved by the wind in the summer time;
Wet by the summer showers;
Blown in the balm of this beautiful clime,
Over our head where the hills are rime;
Waved by the winds in the summer time
Fairest of forest flowers.

For I have brought you this boutonniere,
Plucked from the hills above you,
To weave in the waves of your beautiful hair,
Or wear in your breast where the love songs are.
I have brought you this boutonniere
Take it, because I love you.

~Cy Warman~  1892

In Memory of Annie

     Three days.  Three long days have passed since she left us.  I took Stewie for a stroll today on the Iron Horse trail hoping to meet some doggies for him to visit with.  Not many were on the trail but I let him sniff to his hearts content.  He didn't have his heart in it,  I could tell.  I thought of all the walkies and hikes we would all do and fondly held those times in the walk.

     This is hard.  I have so little gumption.   I need to write to move forward.

      Anyone who knows me knows how much my dogs have meant to me.  I know it is not a child I have lost or a relative.  A loving, loyal dog has left our home and I am in mourning.  I will move on and feel like myself again but for now I am taking one day at a time.  Trying to inspire Stewie who clearly is in mourning as well.   My Love and I feel drugged.  Lost.  Numb.  Empty.

     Annie.   Annie-Bo-Bannie.  Miss Annie.  Annie Girl.  Sweet Annie.

     Was I in denial?   She made it through the surgery.  Dr. Endo removed her spleen and two masses, one we didn't even know was there.  She came home the same day of the surgery in the evening.  She rested in her bed, we brought water to her which she drank.  She took her pain medicine the first night.  She went outside and peed.  Come morning she went outside, drank water, ate rice with broth and beef that I had cooked all the day before to make tender.  She rested and walked.  She looked worn out but she wagged her tail and gave us sweet puppy licks.  The next day she got up, had her breakfast, drank and went and did her doggie business.  She rested but also was up and walked a bit too.  


     That last night......we went out to dinner with good, dear friends and after came back and sat outside as it was a lovely evening.  These friends love dogs just as I do and Annie and Stewie are special doggie friends with them and their pups.  When we walked in the door Annie was there to greet us with a wagging tail and her favorite stuffed toy, her multicolored ball with a squeaker inside.  It fills her gentle mouth.  She even dropped it for some doggie crotch sniffing!  I did let her outside with us for a bit but then I wanted her to rest so I brought her inside.  She didn't really like that but did as she was told.  We all said how good she looked and how she was on the mend.  


     That night.....I woke up and heard her cough and then I heard her panting.  I got up to see if she needed water.  She wouldn't drink any.  I wondered if she was too hot.  She wasn't panting hard just a slow pant.  She seemed settled and I went to bed.  I woke up to hearing her again panting but panting hard.  I thought it was less than an hour later but I wasn't too sure.  I knelt beside her bringing the water to her lips.  She turned her head away.  I tried to get her to get up but she wouldn't.  Stewie is there beside us.  I am alarmed and I need to check her gums to see if they are pink or pale.  That is what her Dr. and the veterinary tech. had told us to check for.  I also remember about the panting, that if she is panting heavily that is not good either.  I wake up my Love and urgently tell him that Annie is not doing well.  I turn on the light and check the gums.  Pale to white.  Her tongue is cold and she is not well.  I tell my Love I need to take her to the emergency vet and he goes to get our car ready.  I quickly go change into street clothes and then rush back to be by her side.


    It was quick.   She stopped panting.  She gasped.  My Love came in while I cried out.  I yelled her name "Annie, Annie!".....another gasp.  I tell him we need to hurry and he gently tells me she is gone.  I can't believe this.  No, no, no.  She lays there in Jesse's old bed.  Peaceful, quiet.  We are around her, Stewie, my Love and I, circling her, stroking her.  I kneel my head to hers and whisper the love I have for this beautiful girl.  She was love.  All love and licks to everyone.  Now she was gone.  


     I have never seen an animal pass away.  Our little Jesse died at home, in the same room as we all were in.  He slipped away without our knowing, peaceful slumber in the room we nightly sat in.  I honestly hope she did not suffer.  The gasping troubles my heart and head.  At near 2:30 A.M. she was quiet.  We sat there with her, stroking her golden coat, her so soft head and ears.  Stewie stared and waited with us.  I didn't want to move her, not till morning.  Luna our cat came to sniff her old friend.  Slowly she stepped around her body, gently she walked on the bed, then she walked away.  My Love decided we needed to move her and we did.   We have been through much this man and I.  We have had many furry friends who have given us such joy and companionship.   We have walked many trails with them, side by side.  Taken them on vacations when we could.  Our pets are like our family.


   In the night as I tried but failed at sleeping, I thought of Dixie our Golden who died before we brought Annie into our home.  Dixie who died while we were gone, who we could not say our goodbyes to.  She was cremated and I have had her ashes all these 11 years.  I never could let them go to the cold earth.  Some part of my heart said this was the time.   These two Golden girls should be together.  They never knew each other but they would have romped and played together if they had.   They would have covered us with Golden hair, slobbered our faces and made us happy as could be.  This was my release for Dixie.

     As morning broke I told my Love what I wanted.  It was important that Annie have her favorite stuffed ball toy.  No other dog could ever have this toy.  It was Annie's.  I told him that I wanted Dixie to be with Annie and that Dixie's Kong toy to be buried with them as well.  Annie never liked the Kong, she loved stuffed toys.  They lie buried on the hill behind our pool, the hill they both use to look up on to keep their eyes on the deer that passed by.  The view of Mt. Diablo looms in the distance.  We have called this spot Boot Hill as our Jesse lies up here along with our departed kitties from years past.  


     The house had been cleaned before the day after Annie came home.  There is not any Golden fur on the floor which seems unnatural.  My floors have always had Golden fur on them for over 21 years between two dogs.  Stewie was laying on the dog bed in our kitchen where Annie had brought a few toys days before.  A few Golden strands of her coat clung to his black fur as he rolled on his back while I rubbed his tummy.  I hate to see them go......I ache for my Annie.  I hurt.