Fear is Real

     I am not one to handle fear.  Or for that matter anything that entails the unknown, pain, let alone what makes me squeamish.  The waiting in the ER seemed to heighten and bring out those demons.

     I realized when my Love left I had his cell phone and could not call him if and when they finally took me to the ER exam room.  Behind me was a mother, father and son who had come in shortly before my Love had left to get some food.  The son looked to be about 15 and was in his practice football gear which was pads, oversize team shirt and the skinny/tight football pants.  His arm like mine, was cradled by his good arm.  His splint was cardboard with a bag of mostly melted ice.  I overheard the mom and dad talking about if he would be playing soon.  I saw that wrist and I could bet it was broken.  How or what would make a parent think more about football than their son hurting with a possible broken wrist?  The mom then was saying the next day was team photos.  They had to go.  Wow.  What about talking to your son lady?  I wanted to turn around in that full waiting room and console the young man.  Me with the wrist hurting wanted to be a mom and console that boy.  The heck with football.  I was silently grateful that Ryan did not do football.


     Sure enough my name was called and my Love was not back.  I was led to one of the exam rooms where I sat all alone....waiting.  Just because I was here did not mean I wouldn't be waiting some more.  Then another nurse came in and said they had to move me.  I was led to a small room with one chair.  They are remodeling the E R and this was the former triage room.  I'm realizing I am going to have to go pee soon and dreading how I will do this.  I look up at the clock and see that it is near 7:00.  Hours ago I had a normal wrist.


     My Love comes in and and I am relieved by his presence.  He actually had gone to In-N-Out Burger!  I'm sort of hungry on hearing this.  A male nurse comes in and says he needs some more x-rays.  Why?  Well, off we go again.  Three of the same ones as before are done but with my wrist unwrapped this time.  I was feeling the icky feeling rising up and the pain as I am asked to move my arm in the three positions.


     Back in the little room  I feel cold and start to shiver.  I ask the nurse who comes by for a blanket.  AAAHHH the warm blanket that reminded me of after the birth of R. when I was shivering so crazy.  Quickly my body relaxes. My Love and I chat silly things.....I really think this is a lousy way to spend a perfectly good Friday.  I want to be home with my kids cooking dinner and laughing, glass of wine would be good too.


      Another nurse comes in and does my vitals asks the same question of what happened.  I start to shiver once again.  My teeth are chattering as well.  When will I get to have a doctor look at my wrist I think to myself.  She asks if it hurts on a scale of 1 to 10.  I say about 6.  She tells me she will get something for the pain. At last because the Aleve I took earlier is not helping.  She also asks when I last ate or drank.  Well I had a Trader Joe's fruit bar and some water.  She mentions she will be back but it seemed like forever.

     I suggest that this might be a good time to use the loo to my Love.  I can manage the doing but need help with the zipping up.  I feel like a little, helpless kid.  At least I am comfortable somewhere in my body.  The shivering and chattering of my teeth begins again.


     Her return is welcome.  She says she wants to have me come lay on the gurney where she wants to put an IV line in.  It is explained that the Orthopedic Dr. may have to set my arm and that I would be put out for this procedure, thus the need for the IV line.  My shivering and chattering teeth are escalating.  Oh my God, why did I take that awful fall?